Bitter Kevin's Rants

Brian Moylan is killing Gawker with his faggotry.

2011-09-04T13:12:00.004-04:00

Brian Moylan, the kind of insufferable faggot that gives all gays a bad name, is a cancer to Gawker that needs to be removed. Gawker is a pretty damn funny blog with otherwise great writers. However, his bitchy queen really kills the mood. The article I linked to isn't so bad, but if you keep an eye out for his name, you will see what I mean. He also writes the clearly made up Blind Items thing where he just makes up random rumors and wants people to guess who it is. I don't have a vagina so I cannot grasp this concept. I think I started hating this stain on homosexuality when he posted some dumbass thing about his friend's treatise on why He Man was gay (DUH) like it was fucking news, and he started banning commenters for mocking him and the article. Way to abuse that power, you spindly little queer. Gawker, fire his torn up ass already. I beg of you.

Poor blog...

2011-08-10T16:29:00.000-04:00

I do all my ranting on Facebook now.

MANBLR

2011-06-20T01:05:00.001-04:00

Fuck those hipster artfags- 4CHAN FOREVER!

Does it look like my avatar?

2011-06-10T20:09:00.002-04:00

Misunderstood Spider

2011-04-27T17:16:00.000-04:00

My hate has turned to pity.

I think I should just merge my blog with this guy's blog.

2011-04-25T13:02:00.003-04:00

Stuff Hipsters Hate

I could just be one of his columnists. Although, my hipster hate has dwindled significantly since I don't have to see them all the time. An article like this, however, reignites the flames quite nicely.

Also of note:

Things Hipsters Love

EDIT: More Hipster Mockery!!!

Hipster Animals

Man-God Brian Williams rips on Brooklyn Hipsters.

2011-04-12T13:08:00.000-04:00

HE HAS SPOKEN

I just made this and I am very proud of it.

2011-04-06T17:18:00.002-04:00

3 Years Clean!!!

2011-04-06T13:16:00.002-04:00

I totally forgot to blog it! Damn you Facebook, killing my precious blog! I was 3 years clean and sober March 21st. I would like to thank no one but myself. Because I'm awesome.

In our continuing series on Brooklynite Hipsters...

2011-04-06T13:15:00.002-04:00

Trend Whores Start a Trend War

Dead inside.

2011-03-01T18:53:00.002-05:00

Although perusing Mr Chaim Levine(aka Chuck Lorre aka The Anti-Sheen)'s Vanity Cards does indeed confirm that Charlie Sheen may be crazy but he is right to claim Levine is a total j00bag, I did find this pearl of wisdom.

This reminds me of someone.

2011-02-24T18:16:00.001-05:00

Hipster Ariel

And if she's reading this right now...

I see you driving 'round town
With the girl I love and I'm like,
Fuck you!
Oo, oo, ooo
I guess the change in my pocket
Wasn't enough I'm like,
Fuck you!
And fuck her too!
I said, if I was richer, I'd still be with ya
Ha, now ain't that some shit? (ain't that some shit?)
And although there's pain in my chest
I still wish you the best with a...
Fuck you!
Oo, oo, ooo
Yeah I'm sorry, I can't afford a ferrari,
But that don't mean I can't get you there.
I guess he's an xbox and I'm more atari,
But the way you play your game ain't fair.
I pity the fool that falls in love with you
(Oh shit she's a gold digger)
Well
(Just goes to show nigga)
Ooooooh
I've got some news for you
Yeah go run and tell your little boyfriend
(Chorus)
Now I know, that I had to borrow,
Beg and steal and lie and cheat.
Trying to keep ya, trying to please ya.
'Cause being in love with you ass ain't cheap.
I pity the fool that falls in love with you
(Oh shit she's a gold digger)
Well
(Just goes to show nigga)
Ooooooh
I've got some news for you
I really hate yo' ass right now
(Chorus)
Now baby, baby, baby, why d'you wanna wanna hurt me so bad?
(So bad, so bad, so bad)
I tried to tell my mamma but she told me
"this is one for your dad"
(Your dad, your dad, your dad)
Uh! Whhhy? Uh! Whhhy? Uh!
Whhhy lady? Oh! I love you oh!
I still love you. Oooh!
(Chorus)

Spiders are scary.

2011-02-22T00:16:00.001-05:00

I, too, pretend they don't frighten me anymore, but if there's one on the ceiling in my bedroom and it's bedtime, I can't sleep until it's dead.

Money, money, money...

2011-02-20T19:49:00.002-05:00

When I had all the free time in the world, and no money, I hated it. Now that I have money to spare, but little time, I think I hate it more! I've built up quite a wad and my tax return will be here soon to add to the Scrooge-McDuck-like Moneybin I plan to erect. What to do with it? I really need a car, but I don't think it will bring me much happiness. Frankly I don't really need one; right now, anyway. I could wait till end of summer/next fall when the weather will make it a necessity again. I think I'd rather take a trip! But where? Somewhere in the US so its cheap? Or go nuts and see Europe or Japan? I can't decide. I really should just visit the West Coast or some other US/Canada destination so I have lots of money left over, but that doesn't really strike my fancy. Vegas is out since I don't really like gambling and I don't booze anymore either; LA? Who cares; Seattle? I don't smoke pot anymore either. What to do, what to do...

Even the soulless feel shame.

2011-02-05T16:04:00.002-05:00

I'll buy you all three, baby!

2011-01-26T12:25:00.001-05:00

Mmmmwah!

I haven't ragged on hipsters in a while.

2011-01-23T15:33:00.002-05:00

Perhaps because now they are common and mainstream and now everyone's in on the joke. They have gone the way of the emo and the indie. It's almost enough to make me wistful. Anyway, here ya go.

Props for the Pennywise reference.

2011-01-13T15:43:00.000-05:00

Great article.

We have a tie for Stupid Bitch of the Day.

2011-01-10T14:13:00.002-05:00

Cast your vote for Rebecca Mansour (Rebecca Mansour, a Palin aide, told an interviewer this weekend: "We never ever, ever intended it to be gun sights. It was simply cross-hairs like you'd see on maps.") or Megyn Kelly.

Today we enter the spin zone.

2011-01-09T16:21:00.004-05:00

Conservative talking points desperately cling to the fact Mr Schizo Badgrammar claims to have read The Communist Manifesto and Mein Kampf, so he must be a liberal. 1st of all, since when is Mein Kampf a liberal novel? Mein Kampf and The CM do NOT go together. 2ndly, peruse the list of books he supposedly read. It's mostly high school books sprinkled with a little bit of pseudointellectual trype, most likely to reinforce his philosophies. I doubt he's really read any of them. If he did, he'd be a better writer.

All you need to see is towards the end of his 3 minute vid, where he delves into the kind of paranoid NWO mind control one world government global currency crap that Glenn Beck and Alex Jones constantly spew. Beck & Jones are liberals now? Fuck off, assholes. Take responsibility for the monster you fed.

This, This, A Thousand Times This.

2010-12-29T12:57:00.002-05:00

This article hits the nail on the head. STFU NYC! I know your egomaniacal self-importance demands the snow magically disappear in 12 hours, but real life simply doesn't work that way. There's this thing called logistics behind it. Now I know y'all ain't too familiar with the term logic, since 90% of you complaining the city isn't doing enough also do not believe in paying your fair share of taxes, but lemme tell ya, moving that much snow takes a shitload of time no matter how many plows you have. Especially so since the roads are so cramped and lined with all the cars you people don't need. Now I know you hate being trapped in your tiny overpriced shitty little apartments, but you just can't get around town right now. Do me a favor and start offing yourselves to decongest those streets a little.

SNOWMAGEDDON

2010-12-27T16:35:00.002-05:00

THOR IS ANGRY

This pretty much sums up my relationships for the past 10 years.

2010-12-27T14:29:00.002-05:00

When you're depressed, you think you deserve this treatment.

Is anything worse than a hyporcrite?

2010-12-16T16:11:00.002-05:00

This is one of those truly great Daily Show segments where I start out laughing and smiling but then become angry and sick to my stomach. Bravo, good sirs, for playing my emotions.

I have run out of facepalm pix.

2010-12-16T13:59:00.002-05:00

Although I do find the idea of a black Norse God to be somewhat silly and definitely out of place, I can't help but still be repulsed by this article. Did the Council for Chinese Affairs bitch when Christopherrr Lamberrrt was cast as Raiden in the Mortal Kombat movie?!? I used to think the freedom of speech the internet allows was actually a good thing, but after having my mind assailed by shit like this for so long, I think it's time for a change. I just can't take the pain anymore. I will from now on cease to read anything, ever.

This is an excellent essay.

2010-11-11T16:11:00.002-05:00

Written by evil ubermegajew George Soros, secret head of the Illuminati, nWo, and Stonecutters. It's from 2003 but I've never read it before.

Just when you think it can't get any worse...

2010-10-27T15:07:00.002-04:00

...it does.

How to prove that you're an idiot.

2010-10-22T12:37:00.001-04:00

Claim you are not racist, then immediately say something racist.

RIP Elica T. Bunny.

2010-10-12T16:19:00.002-04:00

You were my favorite lagomorph and you will be missed. Above is my favorite pic of Your Fuzzbuttiness and her mom. I enjoyed feeding you baby carrots and rubbing your scruff. I always got a laugh out of seeing you fat your way across the floor and was genuinely touched when you sat on my belly. Although you regularly kept me up at night by gnoshing on posters, I still was glad to have you in the room on somtembupuscular security detail. I am sure you are in a better place now, romping in the rabbitical Elysian Fields, instead of being confined to a tiny apartment. I shall occasionally kick over my dinner plate for no good reason in tribute to your bitchy awesomeness. Good night, sweet poof.

My new girlfriend.

2010-10-07T18:33:00.001-04:00

mmmmm

2 AND A HALF YEARS CLEAN TODAY!!!

2010-09-21T18:29:00.001-04:00

Japanese Cosplay Air Man is here to help me celebrate, and here is his song.

Suck it, heathen.

2010-09-20T16:47:00.000-04:00

God lays the smack down on bitchy atheist queen Chris Hitchens

This is beautiful.

2010-09-17T11:31:00.001-04:00

*sniff*

I like this guy.

2010-09-14T14:41:00.002-04:00

I found him doing some background checks on Dinesh D'Souza, The Uncle Patel, after his vitriolic "explanation" of Obama's policies (he's an anti-colonial Kenyan anarchist!). It's hard to find Atheists who aren't as ignorant as their Theist counterparts, but here ya go.

Atheist Ethicist

This is brilliantly bizarre.

2010-09-13T23:48:00.000-04:00

Too bad we don't get to see it poop her out.

The Most Metal Pet of All.

2010-09-08T16:03:00.001-04:00

Squishable Cthulu Pleases Crom.

Hero of the Day.

2010-08-29T16:28:00.000-04:00

Vigilante Pwns Westboro Baptist Assclowns

An Ode to Trader Jew's.

2010-08-28T14:58:00.001-04:00

Cylindrical Salmon?

The most terrifying story you will ever read.

2010-08-19T00:40:00.001-04:00

ZOMBIE ANTS

My God, I'm even more in love with her now...

2010-08-14T00:34:00.000-04:00

and her vajazzled vajayjay

Scott Pilgrim vs The World is Twilight for boys.

2010-08-13T21:08:00.002-04:00

Or is it pretentious indie scenester ambrosia? Or is it a bitchnerd power fantasy? The answer: it is all of these things.

Credit

I always thought this sign seemed kinda bitter.

2010-08-12T13:28:00.001-04:00

It must seem extra hostile to out-of-staters.

The Word.

2010-08-11T00:55:00.002-04:00

"The booze isn't the answer you need, sweetheart. Booze is a dead end. You drink to forget? Good. You wanna drink to forget?!? Good! But what it is you're trying to forget is gonna be staring right back at you whenever you decide to sober up."

- Crazy Genius Priest on Rescue Me

An ode to my misspent youth.

2010-07-28T16:07:00.001-04:00

I spent way too much time here

Where's the Tea Party on this one?

2010-07-28T11:26:00.002-04:00

Why aren't they all up in arms over the possible killing of the 9/11 Heroes Bill by their own party? Is their hatred of Mexicans that much more important? What would Jesus do?

It sucks when I'm right.

2010-07-25T23:35:00.002-04:00

Pakistan is not our friend

I have been saying this since 2001, and for some reason no one seems to agree. I don't get that. The simplest explanation (I'm a big fan of Occam's Razor) for Bin Laden's escape is that he fled to Pakistan, yet this is ignored. Combine that fact with Pakistan's unwillingness and heel-dragging in rooting out terrorists in its own country, and you have all you need to know. When someone says one thing and does another, you have a hypocrite and an enemy. If only we didn't waste so many resources in Iraq, we probably would have come to this conclusion in 2002.

Thumbs Up, Soldier!

2010-07-21T11:00:00.003-04:00

... to these wallpapers.

Pirate Ghosts.

2010-07-15T13:52:00.000-04:00

Ghost Pirates.

Poor neglected blog.

2010-07-15T11:53:00.001-04:00

It's true; Facebook has truly replaced the blogosphere. I post most of my wacky links and rants there now. I'll see if I can revive this thing.

RIP Regina O'Donnell.

2010-07-03T14:19:00.002-04:00

You were my surrogate mother and I will always love you.

Fuck Crunchyroll.

2010-06-04T23:36:00.003-04:00

If you take Bleach away from dattebayo, I will never forgive you. I shall gather a loyal army of nerds and turn them into the most lethal force of vengeance ever seen. Fuck subpar subtitling and fuck you.

Ahmedinejad and I agree on one thing...

2010-05-31T13:37:00.001-04:00

Israel should be wiped off the map. When you pull shit like this, you can't play the oppressed underdog.

Praise Crom.

2010-05-02T13:53:00.004-04:00

Things have been quite good lately so I must use this blog to honor Crom, my Higher Power. Crom cares not about my existence or anything else; only battle pleases him. He is amused by our folly, and nothing more. However, it is wise to please Crom lest his indifference turn to wrath.

This is Conan. He is the messiah of Crom. He taught men the ways of Crom and seeks The Riddle of Steel so that he may help more puny men avoid Crom's scorn.

This is a picture of a man kicking a panda in the throat. This pleases Crom immensely.

This is a wasp. It is an insectoid version of Crom. Crom created them because bees were too civil.

This is a picture of two lobsters utilizing steel in a duel to the death. Crom approves.

This is Lady Gaga. She is a Warrior Maiden and High Priestess of Crom. As with most Warrior Maidens of Crom, she treats men as little more than ambulatory penises, which is of significantly higher acclaim than Crom himself regards men.

This is a Nissan Maxima. Crom has no need of chariots, but he holds this one in high regard. Crom invaded the mind of the ad exec who created this divine masterpiece and elevated his efforts to glory.

This is another Warrior Maiden of Crom. Like a modern day Valkyrie, she strikes down from the heavens with lightning and thunder. Crom is enraged by men who cry, but he allows his Maidens to lull their victims into a false sense of security before they feed.

I've felt this way for 20 years.

2010-03-23T21:35:00.002-04:00

This needs to be said more often, more publicly, and more loudly.

"For decades the G.O.P. has been the party of fear, ignorance and divisiveness."

My Review of the Jersey Shore cast.

2010-01-02T07:28:00.002-05:00

Jwoww: Fuckin skank
Sammi Sweetheart: Stupid whore
Snooki: Not bad; genuine guidette; did not deserve facepunch
Ronnie: Roided-up meathead
Pauly: Not bad; genuine guido
The Situation: Nerd; tries too hard

That's solid math.

2009-12-07T02:37:00.002-05:00

If somehow you still aren't hyped for Modern Warfare 2...

2009-11-10T13:55:00.000-05:00

...then watch this.

Return of the Pimpin CRX

2009-11-01T14:12:00.002-05:00

Here is the new Forza Motorsport 3 incarnation of my Super Ultra 100% Rice Burner CRX. You can see the Forza 2 version here. I've made the car in all three iterations of the game, and to celebrate its Third Anniversary, you can download it for free from my in-game storefront!

The Anti-LOLcat.

2009-10-15T19:30:00.002-04:00

Everything in nature has its opposite- fire has water, Yin has Yang, pirates have ninjas. Now, one of the greatest forces for mirth and cute has found its polar opposite: the LOLcat now has the Average Cat. Where LOLcats usually provide bemusement and giggles, the Average Cat provides only harsh reality. Your cat is not a "chikin, LOL"; it is merely wearing an awfully uncomfortable store made costume you have forced upon it in order to create a photo op. The truth is rarely cute.

I've been playing a lot of Call of Duty 4 lately.

2009-10-08T16:19:00.001-04:00

OpFor Akbar! BALALALAKHALABALALALALAKKH!

Kimbo Slice, having lost TUF, is now a cyber-criminal.

2009-10-01T16:41:00.000-04:00

Protect your caterpillar from Kimbo!

I told you Kenilworth was badass.

2009-09-23T17:29:00.002-04:00

88 Year Old Kenilworth Italian Biagio Sciscione Kicks Some Scumbag Ass

Video: "I gave 'im a couple o' socks!"

18 months clean today!

2009-09-21T13:38:00.000-04:00

I enjoy football without beer! I'm cured! :P

The world is so crazy that if you present things as they really are, it comes across as broad satire.

2009-09-21T13:36:00.001-04:00

Stan Lee in 1977

The Rock lays the smack down on Kanye.

2009-09-16T00:41:00.002-04:00

I tried uploading this to test uploading MP3s, but it didn't work. I guess I can only post video. Suck it, Blogger. So below is a link to Barack's take on the Kanye/Swift incident, which is worth hearing if you haven't already. Barack is truly The People's Champ. I think he shoulda used the n-bomb when describing Mr. Dropout in order to truly illustrate the meaning of the word.

Roody Poo Jackass

I actually learned something from Sons of Anarchy.

2009-09-11T14:52:00.001-04:00

Anarchism, then, really stands for the liberation of the human mind from the dominion of religion; the liberation of the human body from the dominion of property; liberation from the shackles and restraint of government. Anarchism stands for a social order based on the free grouping of individuals for the purpose of producing real social wealth; an order that will guarantee to every human being free access to the earth and full enjoyment of the necessities of life, according to individual desires, tastes, and inclinations.

- Emma Goldman

No one wants to see your belt buckle.

2009-08-31T18:16:00.003-04:00

And that "uncharted" territory is your exposed manbulge, thanks to the brilliant new fashion trend of tucking your t-shirt behind your fancy Ebay belt buckle. I don't care about your crappy belt buckle, Tex, nor your unsightly schlongmound. I think this is more of a trendy thing than a hipster thing, but I have seen it in a few other places besides my new video game Shadow Complex. Perhaps it is done to accentuate the washboard stomach, as I do by letting my tees drape over my bowling ball abs. All I know is, it makes kneeing a scrote/douche in the groin a helluva lot easier from a targeting standpoint.

Doctors are even more clueless than weathermen.

2009-08-24T16:24:00.002-04:00

Appendix now discovered to not be totally useless time bomb

Goddammit, I was told I would never need it! Maybe this is why when I get sick, it's usually the poops. Generally though, my immune system is that of an immortal. Stomach viruses are my only nemesis. I am suing Overlook Hospital for malpractice and demand a cyborg appendix replacement.

Good Luck, Gina!

2009-08-14T08:04:00.002-04:00

Please don't get killed by that chick with the penis on Saturday night- I love you!

Whoa, that can't be good.

2009-08-05T02:30:00.003-04:00

Unusually high Ozone levels today

Wait, we fucked up our atmosphere so bad that the industrial pollution and car exhaust forms a poisonous cloud of ozone on hot days in addition to NJ's already murderous humidity? And it's become so bad, The Weather Channel has to post a warning about it? That puts it on the level of floods, tornados, and severe thunderstorms. When do we attain the level of cyberpunk dystopian future (see Tank Police)?

Beach Bleach Boob Buckets!

2009-07-25T18:33:00.001-04:00

And your Japanese word of the day is: Mune

News Porn!

2009-07-18T16:38:00.000-04:00

Bah, this is too easy; make your own jokes.

Awesome, but Ken is a blonde and the master looks nothing like Gouken.

2009-07-10T14:40:00.001-04:00

NYC sketch comedy group Elephant Larry's Street Fighter 2 sketch

The accidental Shoryuken is epic

BOOB CLOUDS FROM HELL!

2009-07-03T16:15:00.004-04:00

Photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/jakeblanchardphotos/3665826630/

Last Friday, NY & NJ were treated to a sky that looked like the gates of hell had opened and Ragnarok was upon us. It was around 8pm and just after a thunderstorm when I decided to bike to Walmart and when I came out of the world's most beloved superstore, I was greeted by this sight. I immediately noted how they looked like marshmallows from hell, and the entire world was bathed in an orange-red light that was incredibly unnerving. On my way home, I saw many people had come out of their houses to gaze and take pictures at this freaky-ass view, so I wasn't the only one terror was gnawing on. I found out today that this type of cloud is a mammatus cloud- and although I love boobs, I don't like these. I can only recall seeing them once before: when I was working at the pool in high school, there was one time a thunderstorm was brewing right over our heads and you could see these little guys growing and bulging and swirling, and we we are scared shitless it was going to become a tornado. That time, it was just dark with blue and black clouds, so it wasn't half as terrifying as this infernal skyscape.

1 Year and 3 Months Clean!

2009-06-21T19:37:00.002-04:00

HOO-RAH! I'm never going back. I feel so much better every day than I ever thought I could- and it's not like my life doesn't suck or anything. I just don't have the booze dulling my brain and exacerbating my depression. I feel like a happy and optimistic little kid. :)

AW HAIL NAW

2009-06-16T05:41:00.000-04:00

Even the weather wants to kill you in New Jersey

This is some Final Destination shit.

2009-06-12T01:52:00.002-04:00

Woman who missed the doomed Air France flight is killed in a car accident

This is why I quit drinking.

2009-06-07T17:38:00.001-04:00

I could never compete with The Giant.

I found my real Dad in China.

2009-05-23T19:14:00.001-04:00

Meet Bitter Jiansheng

Russian Wrestling is ALWAYS #1!

2009-05-23T12:17:00.001-04:00

5 Year Old honors Crom by issuing a beatdown to much spectating nerd delight

The Clan.

2009-05-21T09:33:00.000-04:00

I'm a cross between the Angry/Teabag Guy and the Your Mom Guy

Is NJ a Beacon of Humanitariansim?

2009-05-21T08:14:00.007-04:00

I didn't think so, but I recently got this response to my Craigslist ad seeking a roomie:

From:jamesanja1111@aol.com
To:hous-y3xch-1175014984@craigslist.org

Good day,
How are you? I contact you regarding to your posting i saw on craigslist today......I hope the room is still available presently for rent.........
Am Anja James by name,am interested in the room,i will like to know more about the place,environment,and the utilities surrounded.......

My job--- Am a medical humanitarian nurse,have been doing this for the past 8 years back,our work is to take care of motherless babies,homeless one and all of that,am still kind of young,i just clock 27 years old... Am originally from Finland,i can speak Finish very well,and as well as English,i love to live in clean environment,to live with clean people,caring ,responsible,and neat type.... I don't smoke or drink alcoholic drink,but i can live with people that do smoke or drink,that is not a problem for me.... And as well,i don't have a pet,but i can live with a pet that is not a problem for me........If there is any form am going to fill,you can send it for me to view,if am ok with it i will let you know,so when i arrive i will fill it in person....

I will be happy to read from you,i will want to move by the Early June,depending on the availability of the room....... I will tell you more about me if the room is still available ...

Hope to read from you...

Thanks

Followed by this one when I provided some more info and asked to set up an "open house":

Hello,

Thanks very much for e-mailing me back,i really appreciate it.. I would have been kind of happy if we can meet,before making any plans,but am very busy and i have a lot of things to do right now.. I will really appreciate it if you can tell me more about the place and tell me little about you,because my uncle is presently very sick,and i have to travel to Finland to see him,but i want to secure the place down before going..
My Present Address In South Dakota

132 E State St
Irene, SD 57037, USA

More about me,am a neat type of person,honest,humble and responsible. I like honest,responsible,and hardworking people while i hate the lazy,messy and uncaring people....well,am a quiet and gentle going person to live with....I am 5.7 in height,i like tourising,and i don't keep late at nights,neither i will have overnight guest around,but am ok if you do..

I was born and brought up in Finland,i studied there,i had my university education right there while staying with my uncle.. I lived all my life in Finland before coming down to South Dakota(SD),have been living with my uncle since have been 13 years old of age...Then i was member of the Red Cross Association,it really sounds interesting for me...

Why am moving and my work:

Am moving over to your state because i understand that i'll be doing good over there,as have been told by my uncle's friend who have once live over there. And i will be working with any hospital around you as i am also making necessary enquiries on that now....

Am sure You 'll really like the person that i am ,because i will also do the dishing if you like,I work when i am to and relax when i am to,I also like sharing my thoughts also....paying rent on time will not be a problem as i will also be making the rent fee before the month ends....
Right now.I ve the support of my uncle about my well being,so you shouldn't be bothered about if i am competent of paying the rent ..

I must confess am comfortable with the price and I will want to secure the place down before my arrival so i will want you to tell me all about the place,as i can't see it before my arrival but the pictures...I also will want you to know that i have my car that i will be coming over with,and little of my furnitures,please let me know if there will be room for them..
With all that i ve said above,I have told you more about me and more picture of mine will be attach in the next email,Let me also know how i can go about securing the place down before my arrival as i will also be busy from next week preparing to come over and let me know if you can take off the ad off the site as i am going to secure the place with a deposit
Feel free to ask me any question and as i ve said,i am looking to move in by the availability of the place,but want to secured it now
Thanks..

Kinda sketchy, right? South Dakota- WTF? The sick uncle thing created a heavy sense of deja vu in me, and lo and behold, look what I dug up in my emails from last year's roomie hunt:

From:misspavez00@aol.com
To:hous-725174084@craigslist.org

Good day,
I read your ad craigslist that you have a place for rent,and this is why i am getting back to you, i am interested in knowing the availability of the place and i will also want to know more about the neighbourhood ,the place and the utilities included...
My name is Nicole Pavez Wayne,am a Nurse with humanitarian assistance, am 27 years old this year,i love to live with clean people,caring,responsible,neat type. I'm 5"5' straight,i am presently in south Dakota now ,I will love to move in as soon as possible, but it all depends on the availability of the room,I speaks French and English, so you have the chance to learn french ,i am an interesting person to live with,I'll let You know more about me if i am to rent the particular room that you have to offer .
And interested inthe room,pls i would love to see (more)picture of the room if its available,I will be anxiously waiting for your email and i want you to know that i really need the room now and i am the serious type paying rent is not a problem as long as i am okay with the place and people that i'll be living with.
espérons recevoir de vos nouvelles très bientôt
Au revoir
Kind Regards, miss Nicole Pavez Wayne

Followed by this one:

bonjour, Thanks so much for replying my email,I really do appreciate it,. I would have loved us to see before making any plan but i really have alot of things to do right now,But will be okay if you can tell me more about the place and you,as my uncle is presently sick and i have to go see him,but really want to hold a place down...i will be waiting for your reply.

More about me again i am a nurse..I am the neat type,I like honest,responsible,trustworthy and hardworking people while I dislike lazy,messy,uncaring people and I love pets so much,am quiet and easy going person to live with. I'm 5"5' straight. i like tourising and,i don't keep late nights neither will i have overnight guest around, but i am okay if you do,I was born and bread in France as there was where i had my university education and stays with my uncle there!!

I lived all my life way in Paris before coming down to SD,,I grew up with my uncle 15 years old...I ve also wanted to be in the medical way since i was born,I served in the Paris Red Cross for 8 months,we have involved in projects that includes orphans,orphanages,heart related diseases in children betweeen the ages of 4-10yrs .

Ambition and Work:

I was looking to move over to your state because i understand that i'll be doing good overthere as i ve been told by my uncle's friend who ones live overthere..And i will be working with any hospital around as i am also making enquires about that now...
Am sure You 'll really like the person that i am ,because i will also do the dishing if you like,I work when i am to and relax when i am to,I also like sharing my thoughts also....paying rent on time will not be a problem as i will also be making the rent fee before the month ends....
Right now.I ve the support of my uncle about my well being,so you shouldn't be bothered about if i am competent of paying the rent

I must confess am comfortable with the price and I will want to secure the place down before my arrival so i will want you to tell me all about the place,as i can't see it before my arrival but the pictures...I also will want you to know that i have my car that i will be coming over with,and little of my furnitures,please let me know if there will be room for them..

With all that i ve said above,I have told you more about me and a picture of mine will be attach in the next email,Let me also know how i can go about securing the place down before my arrival as i will also be busy from next week preparing to come over and let me know if you can take off the ad off the site as i am going to secure the place with a deposit

Feel free to ask me any question and as i ve said,i am looking to move in by the middle of next month,but want to secured it now
espérons recevoir de vos nouvelles très bientôt
Au revoir
Thanks..
Nicole P.Wayne (akaicarsson@aol.com --My exlandlord email address for reference )

And finally, this one after I expressed concern about the whole matter and in which the demon nurse's scam is thusly revealed:

Hi again ,

Thanks once again for the quick reply,I would have loved to call You but am leaving now to see my sick uncle ,i can only communicate through email but I will, whenever i get there but before that i will want to secure the place,I am very happy meeting a person like you,It 's nice reading from you again and i will never ever want to loose the room even without seeing the place ,i smell the kind of person whom you are and i like you,I will want You to know that i am okay with the cost ,if none is included again.....

I got to believe that the person that one wants to live with matters most,i believe that you'll be a nice person,I just have my dressers,computer table,kitchen utensils and a queen size bed,2 big luggages and my car to be shipped....
I got a message that my uncle is sick in france and i have to go see him but i am making plans to secure place so that when i come back i'll just move in into the place we are talking about. and with the way we ve communicated,I am okay with you and i want you to know that i don't want to make any travel plans without securing a place down now,I will be signing a year lease for the start if you are okay with that,so i ve let my uncle understand more about you and the place,He is really comfortable and he told me that it is a nice area he had lived in the states before and he said that i should not afford to loose your place also he said that i should try and make sure that i hold down the place,so i thought of it and i will be making payment to hold down the place and the mode of payment will be the Most acceptable,easier,safer and reliable means of payment which is United State Certified money order so pls let me know if this mode of payment is ok by you.

And if YES pls provide me with the following information to get the payment to you.Your full name as it will appear on the payment,your work place address to ensure delivery in your hands through regular mails or a courier service,your phone number on the package to avoid package missing in transit.I will prefer to send to your work address because you will always be available at work from morning till evening but if home address it will be sitting in your mail and no one will be at home to receive the package.And if you don't receive package at your office address then I guess your home address will be good for the delivery right ? But to avoid any delay of you receiving at home then I guess any address will be fine as long as you will be able to receive it.
Kindly get back to me with this requested address contact information so that we can proceed asap bye for now..
Feel free to ask me any question(s) you have okay,Mai Dieu vous bénisse. merci beaucoup
au revoir
Nicole Pavez Wayne.

Nice try, Demon Nurse Scam Succubi from Hell. I'm onto you. You may do the dishes and be 5'5" straight and like tourising, but I'm well aware of the fact that the only functioning Gate to Hell is in South Dakota, as well as of your fondness for devouring souls and stealing email addresses to use in your future hunts. YOU CAN'T CON A JERSEY BOY!

Who is the oppressed, and who is the oppressor?

2009-05-19T09:42:00.000-04:00

Looks a lot like something from 1941 to me

English poised to pwn all other languages

2009-05-12T16:51:00.000-04:00

"Noob" could be the 1,ooo,ooo word

Captain Picard is a lecher.

2009-05-04T14:10:00.001-04:00

"Counselor Troi... remove your knickers."

Fashion glasses.

2009-05-03T21:34:00.003-04:00

Yes, even in Japan, people with perfect vision want to wear glasses just to be cool. As someone with worse eyesight than a T-Rex, let me tell you that glasses are fucking uncomfortable and awful. Plus, in the summer, they fog up when you go from AC to humid outside air. I don't understand why anyone would choose to wear glasses; personally, I think contact lenses are the greatest invention of the modern era. I do dig chicks in glasses, tho... but she better be legally blind and not a goddamned poser.

Watch BK assault a corporate giant.

2009-05-03T15:35:00.000-04:00

ASS is not a curse

Nerd rage!

2009-05-02T15:22:00.000-04:00

Casual Gaming is killing video games the way Pop music is killing music

Websites where the Contra Code works.

2009-04-27T19:24:00.002-04:00

Gamespot
ESPN
Google Reader

ESPN's is the best. Repeatedly hit return/enter ("start") for more.

UPDATE: ESPN took the magic away. Boo.

I did not make this site.

2009-04-25T18:10:00.000-04:00

DieHipster.com

But I should find a way to contribute. Thanks Pat!

OMG WTF!

2009-04-24T19:34:00.002-04:00

Yahoo, OMG, or whatever the fuck you're called, I happen to think this outfit by My Lady GaGa is fucking awesome, so stop licking Perez Hilton's asshole and writing offensive photo captions. You're just jealous that she makes a better drag queen than any of you or your Gay Mafia queermos could ever hope to be.

Note: For the record Bitter Kevin has no problem with gay people or gay marriage but he fucking hates bitchy fags

Brooklyn's First Supervillain.

2009-04-15T17:38:00.002-04:00

Or Supervillainess: The Hipster Grifter! Preying on the nerdy needs of the insecure hyperfeminine hipster douchebag, she has extorted many a bearded bescarved indietwat. She even has a tattoo stating I LOVE BEARDS! Sadly, as any sociopath like myself knows, conformity breeds weakness, and since all of these upper middle class white wannabe beatniks are exactly the same, she had victim after victim to support her expensive vegetarian take-out habit. The hipster has a natural affinity for asian girls, since the hipster tends to sport a malnourished, underdeveloped wang, and asian girls have tiny vaginas. Generally shapeless asian girls can ease their eventual transition into homosexual pedophiles as well. Once they hit 40 and can't possibly pretend to be hip, young, and cool anymore, they can always go to Thailand.

OFF WITH HIS HEAD!

2009-04-09T22:35:00.002-04:00

New Jersey Man Blames Bruce Springsteen For His Divorce

Everyone in Jersey knows that if The Boss wants to bang your wife, you offer her up freely to him.

Godhand?

2009-04-06T18:43:00.003-04:00

Or Son Goku becoming a Super Saiyan at the southern pole of a dying Planet Namek during his epic duel with Frieza? You decide.

Know your internet memes!

2009-03-30T20:58:00.002-04:00

Start with Boxxy, and then watch some others. They're pretty funny.

DEAR NY,

2009-03-23T18:55:00.002-04:00

PLEASE FIX THE GODDAMNED HOLE ALREADY! REBUILD THE PATH STATION AND THE DAMN MINIMALL AND COVER IT OVER WITH CEMENT, AND THEN YOU CAN TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS TIME BUILDING WHATEVER UGLY ASS TOWER YOU WANT ON TOP OF IT!

LOVE,
NJ

PS- Caps Lock is cruise control for RAGE

One year clean!!!

2009-03-21T15:02:00.001-04:00

Woohoo!

More words to live by.

2009-03-18T21:36:00.000-04:00

A treatise on modern race relations, courtesy of Yahtzee

Words to live by.

2009-03-17T18:08:00.000-04:00

"Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones."

– Marcus Aurelius

Hello Japan!

2009-03-16T02:27:00.001-04:00

Goodbye David!